Work hard, Play hard... et un peu de déconne!

Quand il n'est pas occupé par son herbier, le petit P sème des pierres blanches dans la forêt... Adepte de vieilles séries policères allemandes, il n'est pas peu commun de le trouver en train de manger la choucroûte devant la télé!

08 janvier 2009

Friends with benefits? It's all about bargaining power...

Here my two pennies to that subject as I recently went off uncontrolled in a forum...

The question was:
Is it possible to transform a friend with benefits (FWB) into something more

The thing is: Women invariably fall in love in situations of repeated sexual relations, but they fool themselves into thinking they can go and eff around like boys, so they end up trapped: For better or (more often) for worse...

Depending on the bargaining power between the two persons involved in a multiple night stand (or any repeated act of physical love after some attraction period), there can be different scenarii:

Friends with benefits
Open relationship
Relationship including a pussy whipped man...

Depending on the discrepancy in general attractiveness (to this topic this is brilliant of the two lovers, they agree on next steps...
... If she really shows she needs him and he plays his cards right, he can convince her to become FWB
... If she is just a bit more self-conscious, she'll insist on formally being with him, but he'll say something akin to "ok, but I need my freedom... we can be an open relationship"
... If they are on equal terms and/or the man is not afraid of committment, they'll end up in a relationship
... It he's super needy or obviously doesn't deserve her, he'll become her pussy-whipped puppy

Of course, the girl is considering all these relationships as exclusive, where in the FWB and "open" scenario, the guy feels it's his options to go and look for something else in the meantime...

She ends up broken hearted and there's a game of jealousy, revenge and useless sleeping with guys to get back at him... This is really bad and unhealthy and leads to the destruction of the couple!

For women to come out of FWB-ness and/or open relationships, they need to state it clearly and make sex conditional, sad but true!

It's just the game of life...

And the saddest part in it is that men who have had sex with multiple women during the starting period of a FWB-relationship or an open relationship never really consider the girl as long-term material (or are just pathological cheaters... in both cases, the girl is going for a heartbreak!)

As for me, I'm not into games at all: Honesty honesty honesty...

Cheers and sorry,

Libellés :


At 10 janvier, 2009 21:23, Anonymous Anonyme said...

actually, it's true :-)

At 11 janvier, 2009 01:51, Blogger The Adventures of Candace and Co. said...

Random blog find!

I am glad I stumbled on this post. I disagree in part... most of what you've said is totally right, but I don't think "Women invariably fall in love in situations of repeated sexual relations,"... in the link to your other post, you list the level of male/female interaction. I don't believe, in my experience anyway, that women fall in love because of sex-- they fall in love with #4--intimate confidence and familiarness. Women can sleep with someone, even multiple times, and not fall in love with them (or even like them, sometimes ;) ) but the intimacy that comes from sharing lives and secrets and hopes and dreams and all of that...that's when it all falls apart.

At 11 janvier, 2009 16:51, Blogger P-Man said...

Good Candace!

So it means you've actually read this piece:


At 11 janvier, 2009 23:06, Blogger The Adventures of Candace and Co. said...

Yes, read. Very interesting. I just don't agree that sex=intimacy. Sexy times only create intimacy if the partners already feel soemthing for each other. Plenty of the time, that isn't the case, and in those situations I don't think women invariably fall in love! We're pragmatic enough to know that falling in love is like taking a bullet, in the end, so it's necessary that we don't fall for every lover along the way :)
Safe travels!

At 12 janvier, 2009 00:45, Blogger P-Man said...

And isn't that intimacy the very criterion of the kind of lover you would repeat the experience a couple times?

So you join my very point quite smoothly, even though one of my arguments wasn't explicitly stated!



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