It's all about that real true deep intimacy...

It's not about the sex, it's about the initmacy that sex allows two people to establish between each other!

And ask yourself now: How do things start?

I have been repeating this for a long time now...

Among the five levels of possible man-woman interaction:
1 - Chit-chat/Small-talk
2 - Actual conversations
3 - Confidence and secret sharing
4 - Intimate confidence and familiarness *
5 - Sex

The fourth is the most important...

The hick is: It doesn't come from confidence and secret sharing. It comes from sex... Wild animal dirty out-there sex!

Why is it the most important?
- Because (except in teenage years) noone has really ever been in love before having had sex. And somehow there's only ever sex where a girl is fascinated with a man or just wants sex for various reasons... None of those reasons is because she's already in love with the guy!
- Because it's the feeling you are left with when you stop sweating...
- Because it's the feeling you feel when you sit next to someone at a table, instead of being bored being cousin Alfred recounting his army stories!
- Because it's the feeling that makes you feel "this is my man" / "this is my woman", where somewhere in level 3 you were at best thinking "I admire this individual" or "this is an ideal parent to my children / a safe solution for my future"
- Because it's this vibration people call love, creating longing over oceans... Creating (oh my god) long-distance relationships...

Are there examples why this could be the most important?
- Beaten wives still loving their husbands?
- Suspicious wives/gfs not even feeling like hugs anymore?
- Nymphomaniacs sleeping with anyone for an hour of that feeling... Then feeling disgusted as he puts his clothes on and leaves...
- Women helplessly in love with a bastard playboy they had sex with and who then took them in their arms even a fraction of a minute...

Notice how this is all connected to the physical act of sex?

It's all normal...

That's what sexually successful men understand intuitively, even though it's really not about one-night stands:

To get and keep a girl: Shag first, ask questions later

Sad, but true...

But think about "intimate confidence and familiarness"...

P

* Familiarness ---> not to be confounded with familiarity

PS: Fro reference this is excellent: Thank you Bull Durham! I believe... you are on point in a weird and kind of baseball heavy way...

Canada

Hello World,

I'm flying to Canada on Monday... Banking case in Montreal!

Everything else in Europe is kinda cancelled for the coming three months...

Ciao,
P

PS: when I come back, I'll be like this

I won't be from Quebec (hopefully)

I won't be William Shatner

And I hope to be a master beaver chaser...

This is John Galt speaking...

... and picking up where I left about the fears!

So where the controlling characterstics are objectively leading to rational behaviour, the passive characteristics lead to complaining and passive/aggressive resistance...

The sad news is that political correctness accepts fear of change and fear of self-realisation as romantic values, but rejects fear of commitment and fear of imperative as characteristics of unfeeling freaks!

Here's what the common sense of the politically correct masses will tell you
"What if you have to go do this and that? In order to keep everyone happy..."
"What if you have to rely on other people? In order to get by, it's ok..."

Well, let me tell you this is not something I agree with. The first compromise leads to all sorts of compromise that cannot be made...

I have just read one of the best books in my life Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Many important people in the economy long secretely swore by this book. I'll try to sum up a facet of my findings:

The achieved, and only it, is the earned

- There's no shame in reaping the earned
- The used of the earned is at total discretion of the earner
- Expected pity or expected generosity is a very pure evil as it bases on the some freely felt guilt of the honest men and women

There can be no real satisfaction besides the earned one

- Making false pretenses about oneself leads to servility towards one's image before others
- Trying to reap the unearned leads to self-deception and ultimately to frustration
- Being accepted as an individual defined by some characteristics under false pretenses leads to seeking excuses, hiding & deceiving one's world

There is only two categories of dealings between humans: Peaceful trade or violent coercion

- Trade is moral as two individuals freely agree to deal with each other
- Violence and coercion are immoral and are never ever to be allowed

Denying this is mysticism or collectivism : Both morals of sacrifice...

- Sacrificing the individual to the collective
- Sacrificing an objective view of the world to a subjective and arbitrary one
- Sacrificing the reason and the mind to the intuition and the unfounded belief
- Sacrificing the productive to the unproductive

Trying to enslave the mind is ultimately doomed to fail, because any system ruled by looting & looters, being through mystic or collectivist subjectivity, is doomed to decay from its inner mechanisms

***

Here, I'd like to quote La Rochefoucauld's moral maxims a bit, it will get the french all giggly and the Ayn Rand fan all relativizing (yes it's all been said before):

About being objective towards the world and towards ourselves: Self-deception - Maxim 11
Il ne faut pas s'offenser que les autres nous cachent la vérité, puisque nous nous la cachons si souvent à nous-mêmes
We should not be upset that others hide the truth from us, when we hide it so often from ourselves

About jealousy, that comes from the fact that we cannot admit we didn't make it, where others did - Maxim 25
Il faut de plus grandes vertus pour soutenir la bonne fortune que la mauvaise
We need greater virtues to sustain good than evil fortune

About gratitude and the expectation of generosity - Maxim 298
La reconnaissance de la plupart des hommes n'est qu'une secrète envie de recevoir de plus grands bienfaits
Gratitude is the lively expectation of favours yet to come

***

I urge any and everyone to read at least the wikipedia article about Ayn Rand as it contains a very good summary of her thoughts...

And, of course, have a good week-end! Without fears nor deceptions...
P

Four fundamental fears

According to Fritz Riemann, there are fundamental fears. I'd like to scope those out as they are a helpful framework that I might refer to onwards...

Fear of commitment - as the fear of losing one's "I", identity and independance
Fear of self-realisation - as the fear of isolation
Fear of imperative - as the fear of finitness & loss of freedom
Fear of change - as the fear one's transient nature & insecurity

Basically two pairs of fears along two dimensions
- Fitting in vs Differentiating oneself
- The relation of time and being
And two characteristics
- Controlling
- Irresponsible


The happy news are
- that bascially noone is fear-free
- that state-of-the-art psychology seems to think everyone is sick!

The bad part, the value of a good equilibrium lies in the eye of the beholder...

But more on this another time,
P

PS: For the german speakers, an article I've liked about the fears

Reprint - Wisdom about long-distance

I had published this... Then removed it by feminine request...
Now I restate it because I was watching How I met your mother (short HIMYM, btw youtube this!)

And Ted made this statement:

Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me start with a bold statement I live by:
They don't work, except if the long-distance part is limited in time!*

"I think I'll stay here this week-end, why don't we spend the week-end split" - random expat

"What will she know?" - random drunk chick

"And where is your boyfriend now?" "Why isn't he here with you?" - random horny dudes

And, according to me, planning ahead should never exceed the current duration-to-date of the relationship... Admit it: Other stances are freaky!*

"My parents will love you, when you'll meet them at Christmas" - Yes, you don't dream. It's sunday and you meet her at Friday's after drink by the lake. After all it's early september...

"What do you do in Summer?" - that chick you met after new year's eve, that party you ended up spending with your own parents :-)

"Next month, who knows?" - That chick you've been with for nine months, before you leave for 4 weeks...

An ex [23:52]:
you've got a mail btw
mais tout parait tellement organisationnel, je souhaiterais un we spontané ou hop on saute ds un avion et on se retrouve, random comme ça avec tout notre temps devant nous...
c'est beau de rêver!!
Choffat Patrice [23:53]:
oui
les week-end spontanés sont le luxes des couples pris dans un daytoday dans la même ville

Just my 2 pennies...

Ciao,
P

* Most quotes from own experience...